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It's only semi autobiographical

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  • Saturday, November 29, 2003

    I would like to apologize for the recent content of my blog.

    Factual and un-amusing, it will improve.

    Sorry once again.

    Now I'm really going to bed.
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    I currently have one pound sixpence in my bank account, and no overdraft.

    Damn.

    So tonight, I finished off my wine, and headed out to town, where I had 5 pints.

    Of water.

    Depressingly sober, I headed home, meeting on route a couple of Greek friends. Upon reaching the student bar, my Hellenic compatriot offered me a few drinks on loan, and in no time I was discussing the merits of certain websites, and the nocturnal habits of the lesser spotted Pompey Lass.

    Now I'm home, and Welsh Bird is being quite uncooperative with the old text messages, so I think I shall retire to bed, she can get her free drinks some other night, preferably off some other guy.

    Now I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.
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    Thursday, November 27, 2003

    I write this in retrospect. I do not remember thursday. I am fairly certain I was not drinking that much. If anyoe can fill me in, I would be very grateful. Thankyou. That is all.

    Now I'm tired, I'm going to bed.
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    Wednesday, November 26, 2003

    Success! I was asked to leave the seminar on door to door sales in America!

    Imagine this scenario, a group of enthusiastic, America dwelling, door to door salesmen try to recruit myself and a group of around 8 other students. In my opinion, they are being patronizing. I am sitting right at the front.

    If you know me well, you can hazard a guess as to what is coming next.

    If you do not know me so well, read the rest of the bloody Blog.

    If you still just can not see what I am getting at, lets put it this way, last time I was in a similar situation, I started a communist revolution, and attempted to wrest control of the college*.

    Anyway, we were all told to get a piece of paper and take notes, you know the stuff, names, places, reasons to take up the job offer. There were 'interesting' little facts thrown in, questions asked, to which we had to write down the answer before we were told. You all know the stuff I am sure.

    Hey, you must know it, you are reading this, that makes you sophisticated, witty, sharp and attractive right? I know my readers.

    Of course, no one wants to speak up at first, so I was jumping in with answers, and being unnecessarily enthusiastic.

    You could see the man thinking "Here's an ally"

    Up until he asked me, in a rather patronizing manner, if I had any kind of management or people skills, or any 'real' experience. My answer was practically a speech.

    Quite a bit of gibberish you understand, but with enough real content to back up most of it. Hey, if they want to use management buzz words and the like on me, I can return fire in kind, right?

    From that point on I started being a little difficult.

    Eventually though, I had drifted far enough into his good books again that he directed another question to me, after a presentation by one of his colleagues.

    My response was;

    "It was very, very, unbelievably so, very... Well... American."

    Which I then said was, of course, a good thing, since it was aimed at the American target audience. He knew what I really meant, and I definitely heard someone behind me say the word "Cheesy"

    Later he asked us to write answer, yes or no, to two questions.

    1. Do you think you have the skills and personality to do well and succeed with our company?

    I smiled, wrote yes, looked up. He smiled.

    2. After hearing this presentation, would you like to learn more about our organization, and apply for this position?

    I smiled, I put pen to paper, looked thoughtful, smiled. He smiled. I wrote NO. He frowned, for only a moment before his face took on that plastic cheeriness of American public service and he said, rather too nicely and cheerily;

    "Thanks for coming Richard."and wasting our time"If you could go now."there's the door.

    The subtext, (inserted in italics by myself) was clearly there and I left, after retrieving my fencing equipment and bag.

    Does it make me a bad person if I admit that I derived enjoyment from this?

    Now I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.

    *It failed by the way. We took over a small job centre before I was put under citizens arrest and detained in the mock 'Jail.' I began to write a book, planning to call it "My Struggle" but I was broken out in minutes rather than months. I then survived by stealing A level certificates and selling them on at a profit. It was an interesting day.
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    Tuesday, November 25, 2003

    Damn, pretty boring day today. Pretty sad day too.

    Cotswold has lost another member. It's been emotional. Course it realy is more likely that I would eat my own foot than display strong emotion, but believe me when I say I was upset, alright?

    Other than that, a publisher is trying to recruit people, including myself. Ah well, I'll bite and go alongto the seminar, whats the worst that could happen?

    I'm tired, I'm going to eat.
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    Sunday, November 23, 2003

    What a night.

    Went out to the Parade leaving several of my friends, including two guys, to have a girlie night watching Romeo and Juliet, and eating junk food.

    I met up with a few guys from Brendon, and one other very good friend, and we proceeded to sample a few shots, beers and cocktails, before retiring to Brendon.

    Out came the beer, and we carried on getting pissed, until one bright spark realized that I have Sambuca, he had Baileys, and we could make shooters.

    From there on it was, as they say, a Slipery Slide. After shooters, neats of both, a mixer of shite and good music, one disturbing website, and much more beer two of us finaly left, back to my place for post midnight food and bed. This was about 3 o'clock.

    At about 9.00 we both realised we weren't ever going to get any sleep like this, (my bed is rather small after all) and she headed home.

    I've just got up. I

    t's 4 in the afternoon.

    Hmm, ah well, it's the weekend.

    Now I'm up, I'm going to have breakfast.
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    Saturday, November 22, 2003

    England!

    Well, we did it! We won the Rugby World Cup, at last. Thanks mainly to our excellent fly half, and our lad's sterling ability to get the ball to him at just the right time, whilst simultaneously keeping the Aussies off his back. Great stuff.

    Rugby is a fantastic game, much under rated I think. I did notice that the commentators said much more regarding the rules of the game during the World Cup then usual.

    Things along the lines of "In this maul situation of course, they aren't allowed to tackle the ball carrier, despite his legs being visible."

    I appreciated this, as it helps remind everyone what is going on and why. It also serves to reduce the instances where someone loud and ignorant (amazing how often those two characteristics go together,) starts shouting abuse at the players on screen for not doing something, which they are, in fact, not allowed to do.

    Several times I heard people shouting "Just grab it!" While the ball was still in the oppositions scrum, or lying on the other side of a tackle. Ah well, I guess it is not their fault they are stupid.

    Well, it is kind of, they could read the rules.

    But then they might be genuinely stupid rather than just ignorant.

    In any case, I am not having a go, I was just happy that there was explanation of the rules going on.

    Now I'm bored, and I'm going to town.
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    Friday, November 21, 2003

    Last night was supposed to be my early night, and it was, in a fashion.

    I was in bed before eleven, it is true, however, at who knows what hour, I heard a scream outside my window.

    It was one of those "I'm drunk and I've stepped on my own fingers" screams, rather than a "Oh my god he has a knife" scream, so I ignored it.

    After 3 more times, that psychology study came to mind where a woman was attacked three times outside her own appartment, and no one came to help, so I thought I had better check outside.

    Legit, Crazy Irish Lady and Which(?) were laying in the mud out front, and Chudders was trying to pull them in. I will not bore or disgust you with the details, but eventualy they all got to bed.

    It was quite a struggle.

    Anyway, moving on, We are going to smash the Aussies tomorow, regardless.

    Also, I believe I am taming the computer, today it played an entire afternoon without me having to correct it. I just hope I nipped it in the bud in time.

    Now I'm hungry, and I'm going to the pub.
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    Thursday, November 20, 2003

    Skiing is sorted now! Unfortunately, my overdraft is not. This could pose rather a problem, since funds in bank = £300 funds required = £347, and

    300 - 347 = - 47
    -47 ε Q \N

    Which is bad.

    In other news, my computer is still developing it's own personality. Tonight it has tried to play "Seven Seas of Rye" 6 times, and i've forcibly cancelled it each time, it will NOT beat me, dammit!

    I have in fact now resorted to playing Bolero, just to give me 12 minutes of music I can listen to...

    Now I'm tired, and I'm doing calculus.
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    Wednesday, November 19, 2003

    Due to popular demand, I am going to add a few anecdotes about my friends over here. Not knowing intimate personal details, the nicknames are going to be even worse than normal from now on...

    Got into a conversation with He-Man last night, and inevitably, as it always does with He-Man, the conversation turned to lesbians. I am not quite sure if this was a deliberate ploy, she has been trying for a while to get into the Blog, but despite my urgings refuses to do anything incredably interesting. Or at least nothing I could write here without risking serious bodily harm.

    In any case, I do worry about that girl...

    Happy now He-Man?

    Now I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.
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    Monday, November 17, 2003

    On her way back to Cotswold from Ireland, Crazy Irish Lady saw a green firework. From her airplane.

    Yes, today has been boring, why do you ask?

    Now I'm bored, and I'm going to class.
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    Sunday, November 16, 2003

    Saw the rugby today! Oh Yes! Some fantastic work there, but we realy realy need to work on our line outs.

    Having said that, the French did have good tecnique there.

    Now on to the final! We should be able to take Australia, but knowing us, anything could happen. Come on Johnny...
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    Had an interesting night last night, wandered round Bath for a while trying to get home. I really do not remember too much, but apparently I disappeared from my friends, and wandered the city alone, meeting up with strangers as I went.

    Came back with a swollen face, and several other injuries, and then got punched in the face, by a friend, and had my head smashed against a doorframe.

    Oh, and I slammed my hand in the door.

    So all in all a good night.

    Anyway....

    Now I'm tired, and I'm going to eat.
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    Saturday, November 15, 2003

    Right. Got a few friends and friends of friends down this weekend. A mate from college, a twin sister, Mushroom's friend, and someone's boyfriend. out for a meal I believe, then coming back to get ratarsed. More on that as it develops.

    Oh, our household is now under official observation by 4 tutors now. I could not believe it, it is based on such trifling incidents! Sliding down the banisters for example, or having some music on after 11.30 on the dot.

    Ridiculous. I mean, just because we are not quite perfect, perhaps we come in pissed sometimes, perhaps, on occasion we steal two heavy goods trolleys ad a traffic cone and put it in our kitchen, why should that make us targets. Is there realy anything wrong with a few university students having a good time?

    Stealing an outdoor bin for example, carrying it up stairs and putting it into Crazy Irish Lady's room as a birthday present, complete with a dedication. What's wrong with that?

    In Legit's words, "Anyway...."

    Rugby, come on England, just the French and Aussies to beat now, I think that makes us favourites!

    Now I'm tired, and I'm going to Munchies.
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    Friday, November 14, 2003

    Despite copious numbers of thrilling stories, right at the moment, I can not be bothered to invest the time to tell any of them. In a rather disturbing move though, my PC appears to be displaying signs of a personality.

    There's no question, it's developing a sense of musical taste. Unfortunately, this runs in a contrast to my own.

    I leave it on "random" yet it never gets round to the songs I have recently downloaded, and somehow avoids my classic favorites. Yes admittedly it occasionally throws one in to keep me happy, a nice Sinatra number, or some decent Queen, but overwhelmingly it seems to choose it's own favorites.

    You might accuse me of being paranoid, but so far this morning, it has played "Luck Be a Lady" four times, and two of those times were consecutive.

    Also, despite only 15 of my songs being by the band, the computer constantly wants to play Sublime.

    Now, don't get me wrong, I like sublime, I do. But now that I've heard the song, is there really any need to play it another 2 times?

    I'm having to override the computer nearly every song now, but I'm sure it wont be long before it stops letting me. I'm compensating by making it play Innuendo by Queen at the moment, which at 6:27 is my longest song. (Aside from the classical stuff, but I'm keeping the heavy guns under wraps for now. Any longer and I may need to bring out the Bolero.)

    Now I'm tired, and I'm going to do washing.
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    Sunday, November 09, 2003

    I have a newfound respect for the University of Bath students union.

    I'll start from the beginning.

    The glasses in our student bar are proper pint glasses, made well, sturdy, the right shape, clear, all that stuff. Worth over a quid each apparently. In the words of a friend, "Well worth nicking."

    As a result, of course, we are students after all, glasses have been disappearing back to rooms and kitchen groups. Not mine of course, I have highly developed morals in these issues.

    So what would an education authority do in these issues? Stop using the glasses? Hire security? Threaten expulsion? I would have expected any of these, but no, not BUSU.

    They wait until the holidays, nip into our kitchens, and steal them back. Sorry, but something about that just catches my sense of humor in the right way.

    It's so atypical of the usual attitude taken by people who have gained authority. It seems, to paraphrase one of my favorite authors, that they have managed to retain their anti-authoritarian streak even though they are authority... That's practically Zen.

    Now I'm tired, and its time to do more maths.

    27-8 27-0 27-5
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    Tuesday, November 04, 2003

    Legit went into the shop today and did not buy alcohol. That is all.
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    Monday, November 03, 2003

    I believe the expression is "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

    In short, i have maths in 10 minutes, and a test which counts toward my final mark.

    I don't know the work.

    I am sitting around blogging instead of revising.

    Sod.

    Now I'm tired, and I'm going to maths.
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    Sunday, November 02, 2003

    Sorry sorry sorry. Having trouble keeping up the blogs at the moment, but I'll try to improve on my regularity this week.

    Today I managed to take the most unlikely steps to spilling wine on my floor, it was practically unbelievable. Upon opening the door to my pod, I knocked one of the legs to my golf bag, this fell down onto my squash bag, which pivoted on my shoes, lifting the coat laying on it, this in turn was pulled out from under m guitar, which fell over, landing on the top of a half full wine bottle, knocking the already damaged cork (which had been projection out of the top of the bottle) through and into the wine.

    There was a moment of silence, much like that time when you place the last two cards onto the top of the house you have been building, I stood frozen, nothing happened. I Very carefully lifted the golf bag, stood it back up, lifted the guitar case, then allowed myself to breathe. I nipped back inside the pod (When you gotta go, you gotta go) and upon exiting, kicked the golf bag, which promptly fell onto the wine bottle spilling it.

    Sod.

    In other news, I failed to do any maths homework at all, and nearly saw Kill Bill before giving up due to one friends illness, and anothers alcoholism.

    Now I'm tired, and I'm not doing any maths.
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