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It's only semi autobiographical
Monday, November 29, 2004
This is the tale of how I ended up sitting with lesbians eating Sunday lunch in a gay bar, smelling like a girl and taking shots of Apple Sourz. As you may have guessed, it is both quite interesting and convoluted. The reason I was there was because I had drunkenly agreed to accompany my friends there the previous night, after getting pissed in said bar. She had, you see, peeled the vegetables that day and therefore got a free meal.
The reason I was in a gay bar harks back quite a way, so allow me now to start at the beginning, which is last Tuesday night after fencing.
I was drinking with friends, including one Seb, after a hard few hours swordfighting. We happened to go to the bar at the same time and he saw a poster. A poster advertising "Ladiez Nite" which, as we pointed out, has no less than three spelling related errors. Anyway, this "Ladiez Nite" began with an Anne Summers party, and Seb said...
"Hey, fancy dressing up as women and trying to get in there?"
Between anyone else this might have been a lighthearted comment, but I immediately asked the rest of our group if they would dare me to do so, one Daniel offered me a fiver, and so I built up a total bet of £20. Swiftly realising the potential of this, I decided to make it a fencing fund raiser, for new electrical equipment. One fencing session, and £125 later, it hit home. I actually had to go through with it.
There were several practice sessions, I learned to walk, talk and act like a lady. My breasts were constructed and reconstructed, I was corsetted, bra'ed and generally prodded into shape, until I actually looked like a woman. Some makeup and hair styling completed the effect. Flicked hair, long lashes, and orange FCUK t-shirt and black cardigan. Tight black trousers with green high heels finished the outfit, and I was ready to paint the town red. On the condition that no one looked to closely at my crotch.
Before I left, I checked my makeup, took a deep breath, adjusted my bra, picked up my purse and handbag, and Emily was ready to go.
Then night came, I had acquired some girlie friends to go with. 3 of whom were gay (Or bisexual, lets be inclusive here.) I managed to get in fine, past at least 5 women on the door, and sat down. I had time to have a drink, then buy some raffle tickets, and the displays were about to begin. Unfortunately, at this point I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Can we borrow you for a moment?"
They asked for ID, and my borrowed driving license (thanks Em!) was not allowed. They also wanted a passport. True, no one actually said "Hey, you're a man!" or, "Wait! She has a penis!" But it was implied.
Downhearted, I left. True, I had achieved what I set out to do, but there was no time to get good pictures, and I had hoped to stay in longer. My 3 friends come out and joined me though, and we decided that a good idea would be to get drunk in town. However, rather than go through the hassle of going home and changing, we decided to go to the gay bar in search of more lesbians. (Well obviously.) That way, we could get some more pictures to make it worthwhile for the lovely people who were donating money to us.
We did so, walking through town in my heels, and arriving at the bar, ordering wine, whiskey, brandy and shots. Pictures were taken. Jenga was played. Then 4 girls walked in through the door, immediately there was a comment from beside me.
"My god, they are so straight..."
Turns out they were, and also agreed to have their photo taken with me. They then became fascinated with my breasts, and groping them. There was also some groping of other areas, but they stopped that eventually. Apparently I make a pretty girl and a very handsome man.
Well, that is good to know.
I then agreed to meet my friends again the next day for lunch, which was very filling, and indeed, nicer than anything else I have eaten in weeks.
Well, that is my story, and I am sticking to it.
Now I'm late, and I'm going to town.
Comments:
Groping of other areas?!?!?!?!?! You forgot to mention that to me!!! I'm thouroughly offended and suspicious. And the "Ladiez Nite" poster is not the only thing containing spelling (and/or grammatical) errors... :P
# posted by 
: 1:43 pm
: 1:43 pm
Well said Lauren! I read this post and tried to think of something constructive to say. Instead I say merely this: "has no less than three spelling related errors" should of course be "has no *fewer* than three spelling related errors".
Last thing: where are the photos?
James.
Post a Comment
Last thing: where are the photos?
James.
# posted by : 11:52 pm
: 11:52 pm
