Links
-
Blogs, in vague order of updatedness/niceness
- Funny Lonely Life
- Something about a future God...
- Dave's Blog
- Penny Arcade
- Bash
- Questionable Content
- XKCD
Other links
Archives
- June 2003
- July 2003
- August 2003
- September 2003
- October 2003
- November 2003
- December 2003
- January 2004
- February 2004
- March 2004
- April 2004
- May 2004
- June 2004
- July 2004
- August 2004
- September 2004
- October 2004
- November 2004
- December 2004
- January 2005
- February 2005
- March 2005
- April 2005
- June 2005
- July 2005
- August 2005
- September 2005
- October 2005
- December 2005
- January 2006
- March 2006
- April 2006
- May 2006
- February 2007
- June 2007
- March 2008
It's only semi autobiographical
Saturday, August 28, 2004
I only mention this because I left myself a text message telling me to do so on my mobile last night, and who am I do disagree with me. I have kind of a rule, if it seems like a good idea when I am drunk, I put it in the blog once I am sober. It works for me.
Last night was interesting to say the least. On an empty stomach I went straight onto the Strongbow, followed by brandy all night (I was in a funny mood.) I was still sober enough to notice what can only be described as "heavy petting" while we were in Fleet, but I studiously ignored it.
On to Route 66, where the music is almost as shite as my dancing. There I ran into Jenni.
This has much more significance if you read somewhere in the archives where I refer to someone attempting to cheat on me with one of my mates from college.
Anyway, we chatted and even danced, well more accurately she danced while I stood there holding my drink. Interestingly, she is one of the few people I know who is actually worse at skanking than I am. And she is a dance student!
Anyway, that will be enough for tonight, more tomorrow.
Now I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.
Monday, August 16, 2004
Mwuh... I want... I must compete in this competition next year...
Also, today I saw two parrots sitting outside a pub. A man walked up and gave one of them beer. This sounds like it should have a punchline, but no, it is true.
now I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
An issue of morality
Walking along the road in the rain today, I came across what appeared to be a folded tenner lying in the road. Immediate moral dilemma. Do I pick it up or leave it? There is a white van at the side of the road, my paranoia swiftly informs me that I could very well be the target of a prank of some kind. Taking a few steps past the note, which I see appears to be wrapped around another, I run through the possible moral consequences of taking the money or not, given that it is not a set up.
1. I take the money, I am at least £10 richer. I feel guilty at night.
2. I do not take the money, I remain at current finances, but I know I have done a good thing. I still wonder if I should have taken it.
I then decide what the heck, I can not sleep at night anyway. I turn pick up the money, seeing that it is in fact £15 pounds, two more scenatios immediately pop to mind.
3. I take the money, realising it is mine, I pocket it, feel good, and laugh about it afterwards.
4. I leave the money, on returning home I find I have lost £15 and feel stupid for the rest of my life.
Putting my hand in my pocket I confirm that 3 is true, and live happily ever after. For a given value of ever after.
Now I'm tired and I'm going to bed.
Friday, August 13, 2004
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out non essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
Hmm, do we think this was written by an American? I think we do. Somehow I do not think putting on 50 stone is not the way to stay young. I can probably concede to age and height though.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
Aw, that is nice. When your friends are having a bad time, dump them. Yeah, good advice, thanks.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
Well, I would agree with the general point, but the devil quote... please, linking that to Alzheimers, just choose one or the other. Learn who made that quote, and learn what it means.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
This one works. I do enjoy laughing at those lesser than me.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
Well, the first bit, yes, I am not sure about causing yourself asphyxiation though... Also, it probably is not a good idea to laugh loudly at funerals, or when someone else recieves good news. It is much better to chuckle quietly under your breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
Well that is not strictly true, what about the predecessor of unseparated conjoined twins? I am also not sure what connection the first and last sentences have to each other.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
Not if you have room mates. Also, I happen to love roast potatoes. Should I cover my house in them?
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
Hang on, what happened to letting your doctor worry about that kind of thing? I do think this point is more sensible though. In addition, what if you have an unstable alcohol problem? Should you drink more and make it a more stable problem?
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
Hang on, so if I were to kill the neighbours cat, or set the house on fire, your reccomendation is to flee the country? Actually, with my house mates, that might not be a bad idea.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
Ah, now that is cute. What if they are married to someone else? And what about when someone gets pissed off with you for saying "I love you" too much? Fun fact: Men who say 'I love you' more than five times a day are 35% more likely to be cheating on their significant other.
Now I'm hungry, and I'm going to pick a fight.
Monday, August 09, 2004
It struck me today (the idea, not the shit) that while there are penalties of the order of £500 for letting dogs defecate on public land, I have never heard of a similar rule for horses.
Thinking logically here, an average sized dog might leave aproximately a 5" cubed pile of mess when it relieves itself, and normaly this is picked up and binned immediately in a little plastic bag, and all is good. However, as I was reminded today, a horse can easily leave at least 12 cubic inches of waste matter behind in the middle of the highway, andI have never, and I mean never seen anyone clean up after it.
Surely this is unfair? Worst case scenario for dog waste left unchecked, small child consumes it, gets ill. Worst case for horse shit, small child falls in it, drowns, and is found by the side of the road 3 months later, causing a nationwide person search in the meantime, wasting police time and money.
Any counter arguments? Nah, there never are any.
Tomorrow I intend to rant about horseriders in general.
Now I'm lazy I'm going to.... meh.
Friday, August 06, 2004
Not the Queen you understand, well in a sense, yes THE Queen, but not the Queen.
Sod it, you know what I mean, or should do anyway.
Yesterday was the day in which I heard the most queen songs, purely by chance, ever. Yup, three whole songs. Granted, I have blasted through several albums in the past, but that was intentional listening, and so not counted.
Also not counted are the times that my computer randomly selects Queen from my playlist, because I must have chosen them at some point in the past to put on my computer.
The songs were; Bohemian Rhapsody, (in the car speeding down the A27, be afraid, very afraid) on the radio in the car, another one randomly in the pub, and Don't Stop Me Now, put on by Andy on the jukebox, which counted as random, because I did not know he was choosing it.
This was after the discussion on the correct sentence out of "As bad as a bunch of physicists is" and "As bad as a bunch of physicists are."
Yeah, quite.
Now I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Read the news paper the other day, and two stories caught my attention:
1. Girl (5) breaks leg, might ruin Disney Land for her. That is a story now? It was not even a serious break, and the absolute worst that will happen is that the girl might not enjoy her holiday as much now. Despite getting to the front of every line a hell of a lot faster. Hmm, compare this to my brother, breaks leg on holiday, endures coach journey over hills and poor roads, to spend hours in the airport while the officials try to decide whether he is allowed home, followed by the pilots delaying take off to double check whether they are in fact allowed to do so. Newspaper story? No, just everyday life.
2. Ok, the headline was along the lines of "Man spears foot in garden fork agony" the story was that he had put a garden fork through his boot, and it went between his toes. He was unhurt. He did however scream then faint. So of course he was taken, by ambulance, to hospital, to have the fork removed. Big news story. Guess what I did a while back? Yup, put a garden fork through my boot, taking some of my toe with it. Hospital? Of course not, we washed it and put some antiseptic on it. No news story.
Suffice to say, I will not be purchasing any copies of the "News" any more. Unless i need something to rant about.
Now I'm irritated, I'm going to read something interesting.
