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It's only semi autobiographical
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Some confusion entailed when I told a certain someone that I had just "had a badger." Mmm, badger.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Low |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | High |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Moderate |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Moderate |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Moderate |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Extreme |
| Level 7 (Violent) | High |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | High |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Moderate |
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
In other news, I was drunk again the other night, as I have mentioned, and I came home to a house full of family. Now as I have mentioned before, there is the eternal dilemma, fast and noisy, or quiet and painfully slow.
On this occasion, however, I managed everything fairly swiftly and silently. Aside from after I entered my room. The floor is covered with, well mainly suitcase, but also a few clothes, sports equipment, and a chair. In the semi-darkness, therefore I had to navigate my way through this potential minefield. This involved stepping from one empty patch to another as I made my way to the bed for my contact lens case, then back and forth a few times.
No problem... for one who is sober. As I was drunk, there were multiple problems. One was that the spaces were a little further apart than an ordinary stride, so I was stretching over some quite tall debris. Another was that in the darkness, there was always a chance I might misstep, and stand on something sharp and/or breakable. Therefore I was doing that strange kind of walk that you use to approach the edge of a cliff, (You know the one, all your weight on the back foot, stepping about an inch at a time, trying to simultaneously lean backwards, but crane your neck to see over the edge.) but stretched out so far that I looked like I was attempting to perform a Kata in the crane stance. This was all very well, with my foot hovering above the scattered debris, until I committed to putting the foot down. At this point, all my weight would pivot on my back heel, bringing my leading foot down about 4 times more heavily than usual.
Fortunately for me and everyone in hearing distance, my aim was pretty good, and there were no 'incidents.'
The following night, I went to Ben's for an evening of beer, pizza, Eddie Izzard and (bizarrely) American Drum Corps bands. All was good. Caitlin was the leader of the little group responsible for the text message. I hope you enjoy the beer I donated Ben.
Now I'm tired, and not sure if I should be. Bloody British Summer Time.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Saw Steve, which was cool, and unexpected. This being maths Steve from university, who was on a pub crawl in Pompey for someone's birthday, and really quite drunk when I met him, having just won pub golf.
I, however, can not talk, as I proceeded to get really wasted, and send some quite embarrassing text messages.
I did NOT send That text message though. I swear to god. One, I use punctuation, two, it was spelled correctly, and three, I would not have said "That girl" I would have said Fiona.
Ugh, hungover.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
I got in and immediately raided the cupboards for food. What I found was Smash, and a tin of "Steak and Kidney." This was, in fact, dogfood. It smelled of dogfood when I opened it, was in the same heavy duty can, and was even served in a "rich thick gravy" like dogfood. After a few minutes in the microwave, it resembled human food by sight, and only the taste test was left.
I did eat it all, it was food after all. As to whether it was really intended for dogs... Well I do have the urge to lick my own testicles to get rid of the taste...
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Anyway, I tire of the stalking theme, so straight to bullying.
I am one of those people who just can not stand it, perhaps because of my time at school, or for whatever reason. When I heard as I came home that my brother had been punched in the face by a bigger boy over a video game discussion, I was ready to, in no uncertain terms, teach the little brat a lesson.
Apparently, online the previous night, my brother had beaten this other lad in a game, and as revenge, said fucker had shoulder barged him into a wall and hit him with a left hook.
My brother was dead against going to the teachers, thinking it would cause more problems than it would solve. As it happens, this is exactly what I used to do. Teachers are rubbish at punishing misbehaviour, in general. This is at least in part due to the fact that there is a constant fear of being sued for any minor mistake made in discipline. (Remember that time someone lost their job for shouting too loud at a year 10 girl?)
Anyway, when I was his age, I was smallest in the year, so my only recourse was to put up with it, in the happy knowledge that someday the tables would turn... Not that I am going into details here, but they did.
What pisses me off even more is that my brother is one of the strongest and most powerful in his year, and yet, because he is a nice person, he refuses to hurt anyone back. As far as I am concerned people who take advantage of a person like him are filth, scum of the earth, and deserve to have the shit scared out of them in return.
When I heard about this incident, immediately the options began to filter through my mind... From the legal, but dangerous; Dragging him to his parents and demanding they explain what their pig of a son just did. The illegal, but safe, and (for me) moral; eye for an eye, find him on the way back from school and smack him one. The legal and probably immoral; Turn up outside the school every day, let him know that I was watching him, occasionally turn up outside one of his classes and greet him by name. Turn up at his door occasionally on the pretext of double glazing sales or Jehova's witnessing... Or the damn right abusive; anonymous letters, to him and his parents.
Anyway, I quickly dismissed most of these, and hearing more of the situation it did not seem to warrant actual crime or violence, so I settled for walking with my brother into school. Fortunately, I wanted to go in anyway, to talk to all my old friends and teachers. Even more fortunately, having decided that I would not embarrass my brother by being seen with him too long, I accidentally ran into him while he was doing some tech work, with his uncouth friends. I kicked him as I walked past, as you do, and continued to walk,just exchanging a "Hey" as we passed each other. It was gratifying to hear a chorus of nervous "Who was that?"'s as I walked away, and a very casual "Ah just my older brother" afterwards.
At least now they know I am around, and one of his best mates who was also there will help matters. He enjoys fighting and martial arts, and being big, he takes the opportunity to attack me every time he is round, which is a bit of fun. Hopefully he will pass on a few stories about the results when I fight them both with a blind fold on, or even better, how I broke my brother's leg. Just not how I did it, that is less impressive.
Anyway, I'll probably rant more about this later.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Some people are stupid.
| Advanced You scored 93% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 72% Expert! |
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|
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| Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid |
Aside from that, I had an incredibly fantastic weekend.
Went up to Ro's, and found my way straight to Clarkes, where I joined her in the immensely sexy Clarkes uniform. That is I joined her and she was wearing it, not that I joined her in wearing it. Would not suit me. Although...
At Ro's after a brief stop, to pick up vegetables, we awaited the start of the party with anticipation. One of the first visitors was greeted by:
"Who the hell are you?"
With Roisín being her normal charming self. We chatted for a while, the drink began to flow, and I was introduced to such pleasures as the highly happy, enthusiastic Chloe, and the Glorious Natalie of nation states fame. The following is what I have pieced together based on incomplete Txt messages, saved on my mobile...
Ah yes, in exchanging drunken stories, one of the best was Chloe managing to do an impression of something between "superman and Bambi" in the supermarket... I will not go into too much detail, but I am not sure if she was even drunk at the time... There was something about sitting on a year seven, which I am sure I will need to be filled in on at some point. I have also been informed, do not wear ladder resistant tights, because if they do get caught on something, you are either stuck forever, or the whole thing rips off. You have been warned. Oh, and if you do reach the 2nd round of some Welsh talent show... have something better than chitty chitty bang bang planned as your act!
I also met up with a few old acquaintances, I will not mention all by name, but Maz was memorable as ever, and made me do a psychological test, being performed by her and Fiona. Fiona now, I am sure something interesting happened involving you. Something, perhaps, that Ro does not want spread over the entire internet... Well, I will be nice. For now.
Right, names that were on my phone. Stuart Lee? Mean anything to any one? I suppose it could have bean Stuart, Leigh, or anything else like that. Oh, and there were dogs. They were nice.
I also ran into someone who I am told I have to call Dirty Sarah. She coincidentally knows a girl at uni, who I spent friday stalking, yes Ann! You! So it was fun to continue the stalking in an ammusing way.
I have to run now, but in depth discussions on stalking, bullying and general ranting about schools are coming soon. Really this time.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
"Ah don't take the piss or we'll knock your block off!"
"Just you wait" Haha, nudge nudge no hard feelings.
Turns out they are serious, and actually wanted a street fight. Arseholes.
Apparently, I am a coward and wimp for not wanting to start a bar room brawl with 4 members of the karate club...
Also, they do not appear to have the mental ability to understand my point. For example: My argument;
"Anyone can become a blackbelt if they do Karate for long enough."
Their riposté,
"E's saying e's arder than us! Wanna fight mate?"
Or...
"I believe weight, strength and agression are more important in a fight than martial arts skill, at club level."
The response? Glad you asked.
"Come on then! Hit me!"
They do not seem to understand that I am saying neither that I was better than them, or that they were not good fighters. Just that black belt did not prove anything, and them beating me up would only serve to shoe that they were bigger and stronger than someone.
Retards.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
I drifted through the plug looking like death, the bar staff and, I swear, even some of the students gave me funny looks somewhere between "Are you going to die?" and "What a waster." After quietly finishing my pint and phoning Emma about some fencing thing, I made it to fresh, where I swiftly purchased a BLT and much lucozade. These were consumed on a bench outside, where I was joined by random schoolgirls.
This is an unusual situation, given that I am sitting in the middle of a university. It soon transpires that they are college students here on an open day, and we chat for a while about the uni etcetera.
I realise I foolishly neglected to buy chewing gum, and my mouth was once again feeling like something had died in it. Fortunately this time, whatever it was remained dead. Bloody zombies.
But then, miraculously on my way into the library (where I am currently residing) someone gave me free chewing gum. I live a charmed life.
I think it is quite possible that the world does in fact exist to make my life better. That or there is someone out there looking after me. Sure life has it's ups and downs, but I seem to have incredible luck when it comes to things that are essential or just very convenient. Lets think... I could really do with a maths genius to help me with my homework... Ohh, I'll go find Julia.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Right now, my day...
Went to campus to plan something, for political reasons I can not say what. However it was the equivalent of starting with a high class lobster restaurant meal, and ending with beans on toast. Then scrapping the beans.
I also got a little drunk, and ended up walking home spending 15 minutes sitting on a bench on the phone to Leggat, and a significant amount of time standing on a phone box. Also, sorry Bex.
Now I'm tired, and going to bed, but a better spelled rant tomorrow.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
One thing that amused me about the publication was the difference between agony columns in said newspaper and, say, The Times. In The Times, you tend to have a number of pages for answering questions. These range from "Who invented the left handed spatula"" and "When did X battle happen"" through "I'm having a dinner party, how many spoons should I lay out?" "What kind of dinner table should I use?" and all the way up to the more risqué "Me and my fiancé want to have sex for the first time, how can I make it special?"
The Sun has one. It has questions and problems with titles such as; "I don't want my boyfriends family to find out I'm really a transgender man." And "I had a threesome with two guys behind my boyfriends back, and cheated on him with 3 others. Now I'm worried he'll think I'm a slut, but I'm not."
To be fair, the Sun has some more interesting ones, if not exactly helpful.
I'd like to write some of the replies to these questions. Difference is, I would be honest. I agreed with the advice given to the final problem above, but it was phrased in such a way that it seemed to suggest that the boyfriend was at fault. I would have said something along the lines of
"Well dear, unless you took money you are not actually a whore, but you are getting there. The relationship would appear to be over even before you did this, but most decent people would leave their partner rather than screwing up your life and his by being a heartless cheat."
Seriously though, it does piss me off. The main excuse used by girls cheating, in my experience, is because their partner is either not around enough or does not pay enough attention to them, physically as well as emotionally. Then it is usually they had been left alone at a party or club, had a bit to drink and were really horny, so they end up screwing some random guy.
Have some fucking self control! If you are that desperate, you should have dumped him long ago. To be honest, he will probably be better off without you, because if you can not summon up the self control to say a simple two letter word (Clue, it is not "Yes") You really can not be trusted in other areas of life, including, but not restricted to, eventual murder over minor household incident and my personal favorite, being unable to stop cramming food into your mouth until you die of a massive coronary.
Ah, it has been a while since I ranted about something like that.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Alex: Steve was asking where all themugs were the other day, and there were like 10 on the table.
Sally: Why didn't he want to use them?
Alex: Dunno really, perhaps they were dirty or not his or something, anyway, he went and got emergency mugs from his cupboard.
Sally: Weird.
Rich: Yeah... Weird...
(Rich subtly slips into his room, 5 minutes later in kitchen with 9 mugs furiously washing them. 10 minutes later ruins subtlty by Blogging about it.)
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
I really should be getting some meat in my diet too.
At the risk of making this sound like a livejournal, I have been in a funny mood recently. When I am happy, I can breeze through life quite easily, under the impression that I am quite easygoing. However. When I am, for whatever reason, not in an upbeat mood, that is when I realise that everything annoys me. Not just the normal things, people being rude, having to line up or machines not working.
I got annoyed, quite unreasonably, that some people eat crisps.
Yeah I know, weird huh? I just see them as an unhealthy salt and vinegar/addition of choice delivery system. You can get the same taste by licking salt and vinegar off your hand. The only crisps I eat are the somewhat esoteric ones. Hedgehog for example. I also eat the steak flavour ones occasionally. Anyway.
New new new years resolution, blog once a day for a while. Then get bored and be crap again.
Also, went out last night, Andy persuaded me. Plus, Matt is back, and it would be rude not to join him for some drinking fun. I actually bumped into him coincidentally, which was the biggest reason to stay out. Sarah, Shearan, and a lot of other minorly consequentiall people were there, and before long we joined Legit, Bex, Hazel, Ian and Will in Po's. all was going well, untill Lisa turned up... Uhm, in the past I may have reffered to her as BlondeBitch, (It's ok, she knows she's one, quite proud of it actually!)
Anyway, it was nice to see her, despite actual meeting being caused by Andy and Will shouting "LIISSAAAAA" across Po's. Anyway, let us just say she was her usual, charming, self. That will probably be lost on most people who did not go to Oaklands, or were not there last night. And she was drunk, hopelessly drunk. I expect I'll get shit for the txt I sent her, unless she read and deleted it while drunk. Of course, if you are reading this Lis, I meant it.
Now I'm tired, and I'm going to uni.
